Selective mutism

Published 01/01/2017.  Last updated 06/06/2023

​If your child has selective mutism they will speak freely to only a small number of people with whom they feel comfortable. This is normally with the family and in the family home. Your child will usually have most difficulty speaking in their early years setting or in school. If your child is a reluctant speaker, he/she will talk a little in certain situations.

Selective mutism and reluctant speaking are caused if your child has a worry about talking in social situations (big groups, school or party). It is important to remember that your child wants to talk, but their anxiety stops them. Many factors may be involved in the development of selective mutism and these will differ for each child. They may include: a family history of shyness or selective mutism, loss or trauma, teasing, separation or self-awareness of speech impairment.

How can I help?

  • Think of selective mutism as worry about speaking, rather than your child being defiant.
  • Tell your child you know that they find it difficult to speak to less familiar adults or in less familiar places.
  • Encourage non-verbal interactions with less familiar people, eg waving instead of saying hello, smiling, nodding, and making eye contact.
  • Try not to feel worried if your child will not respond to someone. Acknowledge that your child finds it hard to speak to people they don’t know well.
  • Reward all efforts to communicate no matter how small.
  • If your child whispers to you in front of less familiar people, praise their effort.
  • Once your child feels more confident about speaking in a louder voice, you might be able to move a short distance away from them in similar situations in the future.
  • Encourage your child to take a toy to the park, which may help interaction with other children even if your child still feels anxious about speaking to them.
  • Offer your child a prompt or help structure a situation if they look unsure.
  • Help them join in and play by bridging them into a group or to another child; for example, you might say 'Look, they want you to join them!'.

Where can I find further advice?

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Selective mutism

Published 01/01/2017.  Last updated 06/06/2023

​If your child has selective mutism they will speak freely to only a small number of people with whom they feel comfortable. This is normally with the family and in the family home. Your child will usually have most difficulty speaking in their early years setting or in school. If your child is a reluctant speaker, he/she will talk a little in certain situations.

Selective mutism and reluctant speaking are caused if your child has a worry about talking in social situations (big groups, school or party). It is important to remember that your child wants to talk, but their anxiety stops them. Many factors may be involved in the development of selective mutism and these will differ for each child. They may include: a family history of shyness or selective mutism, loss or trauma, teasing, separation or self-awareness of speech impairment.

How can I help?

  • Think of selective mutism as worry about speaking, rather than your child being defiant.
  • Tell your child you know that they find it difficult to speak to less familiar adults or in less familiar places.
  • Encourage non-verbal interactions with less familiar people, eg waving instead of saying hello, smiling, nodding, and making eye contact.
  • Try not to feel worried if your child will not respond to someone. Acknowledge that your child finds it hard to speak to people they don’t know well.
  • Reward all efforts to communicate no matter how small.
  • If your child whispers to you in front of less familiar people, praise their effort.
  • Once your child feels more confident about speaking in a louder voice, you might be able to move a short distance away from them in similar situations in the future.
  • Encourage your child to take a toy to the park, which may help interaction with other children even if your child still feels anxious about speaking to them.
  • Offer your child a prompt or help structure a situation if they look unsure.
  • Help them join in and play by bridging them into a group or to another child; for example, you might say 'Look, they want you to join them!'.

Where can I find further advice?

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